Health Risks for Gracelin Joy

As touched on in a previous posting, we learned of some potential health risks for our sweet baby Gracelin Joy. When we went to the OB to get the results of the 3D/4D ultrasound, the doctor walked in the room chipper and full of pep. After saying good morning to us, he began looking over my chart and the two results pages (one for each baby). It became so quite you could hear a pin drop in the room. You could see him really starting to concentrate and began scanning back and forth over the papers, in dead silence. It was at this time I noticed 1 of the papers had bold red text on it while in the exact same places on the other paper the text was normal black. It was at this moment I realized it was emanate that something horrible was coming. I am sure my face went white. My heart started racing and I almost laid back because I thought I was going to pass out. Though my back was turned to Kenny, he could clearly sense what was going on as he quickly grabbed my hand for support.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the doctor finally spoke. He was very serious and seemed to be searching for the right words, and stalling. He started off with the good telling us Baby B (Isabella) looked perfectly healthy and great. He proceeded to then tell us that Baby A's (Gracelin) long bones measurements had been a little concerning. He told us this is a common indicator of Down Syndrome. He proceeded to tell us her odds of having DS were now 1:412.

He gave us the odds in numerous perspectives, but none really seemed to make it seem any better. He explained how the odds that she didn't have this were still really good, that he'd "love to go to Vegas" on them. (Still didn't make it any better.) He told us there were really only 2 ways to know if she for sure idid have DS. We could do an amniocentesis which would tell us 100% yes or no. There are however major risks involved with this procedure, including miscarriage. Because we are not willing to terminate the pregnancy based on the results, this was really not an option for us. The 2nd way to know for sure, and the one we'll be taking, is seeing what she looks like when she is born. There are 4 very distinct features they will review right away; slanting eyes due to extra skin, lower set ears, shorten neck and the pattern of lines on her palms (straight line = DS, curved = normal).

My initial reaction was shock, followed by fear and sadness. I simply don't want my children's lives to be any harder than they have to be. And though he mentioned how the odds were still really good, it's pretty different when you are sitting there being told YOUR baby now has these scary odds against her. It's like, I understand those odds can sound "great" when you're applying it to someone else, but that number seems horrible when it's your child.

As soon as we left the doctor's office, I mean barely out the front door to the hallway, I lost it. Thank God for Kenny and his endless comfort. See, one of the first things that had come to my mind was how I felt God would give us a special needs child because He knows we would love them the same and still provide the best life we knew how to. (I would later find this feeling only grew strong as time went on.) But after I was able to compose myself enough to drive home, off I went. (Kenny met me right after work so we had to each drive  home.) I proceeded to call my mommy and cry like a baby the whole way home. Once home, I went back into a state of shock and then numbness. Kenny, again to my rescue, begin looking up facts about DS to ease my mind. After letting this sink in, I realized something; God already made Gracelin and did so with his perfect design in mind. How on earth could I possibly be upset knowing she is already perfect no matter what that means mentally / physically?!

At this point, I was calm and had a good perspective about things. Kenny later got out all his text books from his nursing classes and we read up on the scientific facts about DS. I also got to see a couple pictures of children with DS, specifically infants and a toddler. After the comfort of knowing God & how His plans work, it was these pictures that would have the greatest impact on my outlook on this situation. They all had something in common, incredible smiles that you could almost hear the laughter through by just looking at them. I was reminded of how happy DS people are. Remembering this fact and realizing if Gracelin did have this, she would still be full of joy - made the fear and sadness drift away.

In the end, I know without a doubt no matter what happens...
She will be perfect.
She will be happy.
She will bring everyone joy.
She will learn about how amazing God is in all He does.
And she will be incredibly loved.

It's times like these when a person realizes how grateful they are to know our amazing Creator; to receive peace and comfort with no effort at all. I know I will never look at a special needs person the same ever again as my heart has been permanently changed. Truly, through ALL things God is good, and this my friends will never change.